Greatest Simpsons Quotes

[DirtyKash]

Hah! hah! hah! Disco Stu is a straight up pimp.

[Lynch]

Bart: AAH! You ate my homework?... I didn't know dogs really did that.

[riverdunesrat]

Lisa's looking for a new identity and walks onto the playground all in black goth.....

Millhouse: What are you now Lisa, an Oakland Raider's fan?

[Lynch]

[DirtyKash]

I wash myself with a rag on a stick, hyuck hyuck hyuck

[DirtyKash]

Bart: Mom, guess what!

Lisa: We're going to Itchy and Scratchy Land!

Marge: No. I've already planned our vacation. We're going to the Highway Nine Bird Sanctuary. I understand they've installed a new birdfeeder this year.



Marge: It's shaped like a diner! And it's on this really tall pole.



(change scenes)

[DirtyKash]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49IDp76kjPw&eurl=

[missionhockey21]

Those crazy Brits.

(I was just going to post that BTW, but thought I should see if DK beat me to it.)

[Providence A's]

In "Homer and Apu"

James Woods: Did that seem believable? I mean, did I sound like a real cashier when I was giving you your change back?
Jimbo: To be honest, it sounded a little labored.
James Woods: Ok, Let's try that again.
Jimbo: ::tries to walk away::
James Woods: Hey, get over here kid... Now I'm me and you're you.
Jimbo: I'm me?
James Woods: Don't jerk me around kid!

[missionhockey21]

Lisa: Oh, who am I kidding? There's no _way_ I'm ever going to beat
Alison.
Bart: Sure there is! ...but it involves being a bit underhanded, a bit
devious, a bit -- as the French say -- Bartesque.
Lisa: I'll do whatever it takes.
Bart: Then welcome to the nether regions of the soul.

Bart closes Lisa's venetian blind and grabs a piece of paper and a
pencil.

Bart: Now, here's what we do. Tomorrow morning when Alison comes out of
her house, we spray her with the hose -- soaking her from head to
toe, leaving us relatively dry.
Lisa: "Relatively"?
Bart: Well, there's bound to be some splash-back.
Lisa: Bart, her being wet won't help me win the competition.
Bart: Well...we could just sabotage her diorama, humiliating her in
front of the students and faculty.
Lisa: Perfect!
Bart: Leaving her primed for the most dramatic hose-soaking of her life!
Lisa: Enough with the hose!

[DirtyKash]

Ha, I love when Homer or Bart are stuck on a devilish prank that they HAVE to do and are stubborn about it so they keep repeating it. Reminds me of the passage in the episode where Homer goes to College.

Homer: I'm telling you, a big crazy prank is just what the doctor ordered! Hi hi hi hi. The dean will go nuts! Huh! I've got it! We wait by his mailbox, and when he comes outside, we roll him up in a carpet and throw him off a bridge! Hi hi hi! ha ha ha!

(Bart does a loud scratching sound with his fingernails on the board, making everyone screech.)

Bart: So it's a prank you're looking for, is it? I'll give you your prank.

Bart: The only college in 50 miles is Springfield A&M, so they're our best target.

Homer: Those bastards!

Bart (pulls out picture): Meet Sir Oinkcelot, the beloved mascot of Springfield A&M. Here he is presiding over last year's homecoming. Here he is conferring an honorary degree on Richard Nixon. And here he is rolling in his own filth. Gentlemen, I propose we kidnap Sir Oinkcelot.

Homer: AND THEN WE ROLL HIM UP IN A CARPET AND THROW HIM OFF A BRIDGE!! Hi hi hi!

(everyone stares)

Homer: What?

[riverdunesrat]

Virtual Simpsons opening.....clickhere complete with butt-crack......

[DirtyKash]

Mother Simpson: (singing) How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?
Homer: Seven!
Lisa: No, Dad, it's a rhetorical question.
Homer: Rhetorical, eh? Eight!
Lisa: Dad, do you even know what "rhetorical" means?
Homer: Do I know what "rhetorical" means?!

[Lynch]

I love the one where they go back and do the Homer's Oddysey one. After they clear out Troy and Homer changes the population sign to say "0"


"Now when anyone gets wood they'll think of Trojans."

[missionhockey21]

Barlow: You know, there are three things we're never going to get rid of
here in Springfield: one, the bats in the public library --
[scene switch to man opening card catalog and screaming as bats
fly out]
-- two, Mrs. McFierly's compost heap --
[scene switch to huge compost pile and Mrs. McFierly rocking
nearby with a shotgun, cackling]
-- and three, our six-term mayor,
[scene switch to Quimby watering a marijuana plant]
the illiterate, tax-cheating, wife-swapping, pot-smoking,
spendocrat Diamond Joe Quimby.
Quimby: Hey. I am no longer illiterate.

Gotta love Quimby.