the silent shit stand-off battle, do you people know what i'm talkin about?

[PacMan]

Thread of the year.

[ghettochild]

share your funny poop stories, everyone has one

[DirtyKash]

Those of you who can't take a dump in public ... you might want to reconsider, or you might just end up like him:

[riverdunesrat]

Bloodhound Gang sez.....we all hate pooping in public places......

[riverdunesrat]

My father-in-law sez.....he stands on the commode and squats.....huh?????

[Kingdom]

It takes a lot for me to urinate in a public stall let alone..

Sometimes I like to aim for the sensor thing on some toilets that automatically flushes and such.

[ghettochild]

heres one my friend wanted me to post

I got 2 stories id like to share


FIRST

I was at work one day (i work in a warehouse) and it was extremely hot and sticky. Anyways, im sitting in 1 of the 2 stalls, and then i hear the door to the bathroom open. So im like ok i wont shit till this guy leaves or w/e. Anyways, this guy walks in, I hear coughing, sniffing, hard breathing, and all this shit. So im like OH MY ****IGN GOD. He goes into the stall next to me, still coughing, breathing hard, acting liek a ****ign gorilla, sits down, and just as i hear the seat hit the toilet, i hear BRRRRRRRRRRRUAHAUWHWAAWAHOWAUWAHOWUAHWOUWAHOWAHOWA HOWAUHWAOUWHAo
MAN this guy DID NOT play the ****ing game. it was so ****ing disgusting i was like PRESSING up against the side opposite to where he was. I couldnt breathe. i felt like dying. A good 5sec later after he had came, he had gone. IT was ****ED UP.


SECOND
I went to this restaurant few years back for my aunts birthday. It was a big get together. I had ribs. Anyways, i really had to take a shit, but i decided to hold it till i finished my meal. ANYWAYS, by the time i finished i felt like i was goign to explode. I really had to shit. I went to the bathroom. As i approached, i noticed this guy mopping up OUTSIDE the bathroom. Im like wtf? hes like dontgo in there man, im like why not. The toilet is flooded. So im like oh god. I go back to the table, not knowing what to do. Since it was a birthday, we were there for a while after the meal, cake, etc. By this time i was losing control, and my mom noticed somethign was wrong. "nick u ok?", "i really gotta shit.". I explained to her about the guys bathroom, and shes like ok come with me. SO, i followed my mom to the women's bathroom. She told me to wait outside, and went in. There were people inside. But she said the coast was clear and everyone in the bathroom was in a stall. So i go in, and there were only 3 stalls in total. I RUN into the empty one and sit down. ANYWAYS. There was this mother and three 4-5 year old girls in the bathroom. The mom and one of the girls were int he stall next to me, and the other two had just went around the corner to wash their hands. SO i rip my pants off, sit my ass down, and wait. I tried to play the waiting game. The other 2 girls went infront of my stall laughing and w/e, and the mom and other girl was still in the one on my right. I had to let this one go. No word of a lie, this was the most ferocius shit ive ever taken in my entire life. Shit was ricocheting all over the bowl, the water was splashing, my farts were ****ing disgustingly wet and loud, and it didnt stop for a good 20sec. Everyone in the bathroom went quiet. The stall next to me was emptied soonafter, and the door to the bathroom opened and closed. - silence. I cleaned up, wiped the sweat off my forehead, and went to the sink. As im washing my hands i hear the door open again, im like OMFG NO IM ****ED. then i hear the little girl walking aroudn the corner to the sinks where i was. I was like omfg please let her be alone. I turned my back to where she would turn the corner, and tried to do what i could so she wouldnt see a ****ing man's face. When i turn to face the opposite end of the sinks, i see why she had come back, she left her hairclip next to a sink. So i was like **** THIS im outta here. So as she passes me to get her clip, i turn around and jog to the door. As i open it guess who is infront of my face? the mom, and the 2 other girls (who were waiting outside for the girl and her hairclip). The mom gave me the DIRTIEST LOOK EVER, and asked, WHAT THE HELL R U DOIGN. im like "Ummm... the men's bathroom overflowed..." she just glared at me. So i just ****ing walked away back to my table.

Worst toilet experience ever.

[Kingdom]

Lmfao

[Hmark6]

Pooping at work.

For those of us suck in an office for 8 hours a day:

ESCAPEE
Definition: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee)
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine guns pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out of the Closet pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVEN
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when work taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURG leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH
Definition: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.

UNCLE TED
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

FLY BY
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

CRACK WHORE
Definition: A crapper that has seen more ass than a Greyhound Bus. Tell tale signs of a CRACK WHORE include pubes, piss stains and shit streaks. Avoid CRACK WHORES at all cost. Try finding out when the janitor cleans each particular bathroom. Don't forget, a CRACK WHORE can become a SAFEHAVEN.

[ghettochild]

since i've started working at tom thumb, i walk into a lot of people taking shits.

one time i walked into the bathroom and i hear what i think is water running, so i check the faucets and everythings all right. then i hear a UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *SPLOOSWASSSHHHHOOOFFFFFPLUUUUUHHH* UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *SPLOOSHUGGHGHHHHHHUFFFOHHHHHHOOWASSSISSSSSSTSTSTT * and i just about lost it. it was so halarious.

sometimes at school i'll break the unwritten rulebook of the male restroom and walk up to a urninal right next to a guy when theres like 3 or 4 others open...they're just like uhhhh ummm *zip* walk off. its so halarious

[redsrbetter]

Ok I have a pretty good one. Great topic BTW ghetto as we all have good poo stories.

One day two friends and I had just finshed eating at one of those Chinese Buffets. Needless to say it didn't sit well with any of us and we all had to go really bad at the same time. We were in the Mall so we decided to go in the nicest store in the Mall because we figured it would have the cleanest restroom. So we go in there and there were three stalls. None of them were occupied so we all took our own. I was in the last one, Big Josh was in the middle one, and Paul was in the first one closest to the door. We all sit down and none of us were really talking or making too many noises. So apparently we were all trying to be polite to eachother.
Paul finishes right about the time some old man walks in. Big Josh and I hear the sink running so we figured it was this old man that was washing his hands. We had no clue that Paul had finished doing his duties. Yet the old man immediately took Paul's stall and Paul walked out of the restroom. So we have Paul out of the restroom and an old man sitiing next to Big Josh's stall ready to take care of business. Before anything happened, I flushed and right away we heard the biggest butt ripping we have ever heard. This guy was going to town. Then Big Josh says this "uhhhhh your ass stinks!" The old man blows it up some more as I walk out of the restrom after washing my hands. While I am walking out I hear Josh again; "Dude you are going to make me puke." Then Big Josh was seriously acting like he was gagging and ready to blow chunks. But as to my surprise Paul was sitting outside the restroom laughing his butt off. He told me it was some old man that took his stall when he was finished. I died right there from laughter. We were both sitting outside the restroom waiting for Josh to come out and all along hearing some roaring buttquakes come out of this old man's hind end and Josh thinking it was Paul just going nuts on him.
Once Big Josh finally walked out of the restroom he was in shock that Paul was outside waiting with me. His face was priceless. I will never forget that classic moment.

[ATLien]

Wtf.

[DirtyKash]

all along hearing some roaring buttquakes come out of this old man's hind end

Ha! ha!