BSG - Bill Simmons discussions

[DirtyKash]

Q: Come on, just get it over with.
-- A. Morrison, Los Angeles

SG: Really? This early? I was saving it.


Q: Yeah, just do it. We all know it's coming.
-- J. Redick, Orlando

SG: Fine, fine. You're right. Here we go …


REDICK!!!!! MORRISON!!!!! It's the NBA Finals on ABC!!!!!!

[Porter]

Q: You realize you're betting against God AND the "Nobody Believed In Us" Factor, right?
-- D. Howard, Orlando

SG: Crap.

[realmofotalk]

REDICK!!!!! MORRISON!!!!! It's the NBA Finals on ABC!!!!!!

Oh yeah, huh. It's been too long since either of them mattered.

[Porter]

Old NBA Drafts on NBA TV + Utah just took a tall white stiff. I'll give you 14 guesses for what year.

I could give more than 14.

[Porter]

Bill Simmons writes an open letter to Blake Griffin on the eve of the NBA draft - ESPN

Dear Blake,

Run. Just start running. Run for your life. Run like the star of a horror movie. Don't turn around. Run and keep running.

I think you should play in Greece. Or Italy. Or Spain. Or anywhere else. You should play anywhere but for the Clippers. Your agents and advisors are in denial. They don't want you to seem like an ungrateful jerk. They want you to be as marketable and likable as possible. They have talked themselves into the following scenario: "If Blake can turn the Clippers around and become a star in the No. 2 TV market in the country, only good things will happen to him."

[realmofotalk]

This coming from a fan whose team pretty much screwed up every one of their draft picks in the 1990's to early 2000's aside from Paul Pierce and Antoine Walker. Keeping Eric Montross, Kedrick Brown, and Joe Forte for too long, and giving up on Joe Johnson and Chauncey Billups too early?

[ljshorty89]

Bill Simmons writes an open letter to Blake Griffin on the eve of the NBA draft - ESPN

Great article. Absolutely hilarious, even I didn't realize how bad the Clippers had had it. Jesus, 13 forwards drafted in the top 9 since 1976.....

[DirtyKash]

Do you think Lamar Odom's agent and Trevor Ariza's agent graduated in the same year from Shitty Sports Agent Academy?
about 2 hours ago from web

[DirtyKash]

Q: What unmade movie sequel would you just know would be the worst sequel in history before it even came out? Use the following criteria: (A) Only one movie had been made previously (can't be part 3 or 4); (B) the original is well-loved by almost everyone you know; and (C) you will watch the original 100 percent of the time when it comes on TV even though you've seen it 437 times already.
-- Anthony F, Ontario

SG: Good one. I have three runner-ups and then a final answer:

Runner-up No. 3: "Big II"
The conventional Hollywood way to re-do it: Josh becomes young again; Perkins misses him so much that she hunts down the Zoltar machine and SHE becomes young again; she starts attending Josh's school, only by this time, Young Josh is already involved with the blonde girl; an awkward love triangle ensues. This would suck.

Runner-up No. 2: "Rounders II"
Only because Damon would never be in the sequel, and the guys who wrote "Rounders" are too successful now to ever dare writing a Damon-less sequel. That means you're looking at a bad script with someone like Sawyer from "Lost" as the main guy. Not working. Although John Turturro just read this paragraph and signed on to play Knish without even seeing a script.

Runner-up No. 1: "Heat II"
Turns out De Niro didn't die! He just went to jail, he just escaped, and now De Niro and Val Kilmer are planning more bank robberies and only Al Pacino (two weeks away from retiring) can stop him! Everyone would be more bummed out by a "Heat" sequel then the latest Favre comeback. I think the nationwide groan would be even louder, actually.

The winner: Pamela Anderson/Tommy Lee Sex Tape II
Even Hideki Matsui wouldn't watch this.

[ljshorty89]

Q: What unmade movie sequel would you just know would be the worst sequel in history before it even came out? Use the following criteria: (A) Only one movie had been made previously (can't be part 3 or 4); (B) the original is well-loved by almost everyone you know; and (C) you will watch the original 100 percent of the time when it comes on TV even though you've seen it 437 times already.
-- Anthony F, Ontario

SG: Good one. I have three runner-ups and then a final answer:

Runner-up No. 3: "Big II"
The conventional Hollywood way to re-do it: Josh becomes young again; Perkins misses him so much that she hunts down the Zoltar machine and SHE becomes young again; she starts attending Josh's school, only by this time, Young Josh is already involved with the blonde girl; an awkward love triangle ensues. This would suck.

Runner-up No. 2: "Rounders II"
Only because Damon would never be in the sequel, and the guys who wrote "Rounders" are too successful now to ever dare writing a Damon-less sequel. That means you're looking at a bad script with someone like Sawyer from "Lost" as the main guy. Not working. Although John Turturro just read this paragraph and signed on to play Knish without even seeing a script.

Runner-up No. 1: "Heat II"
Turns out De Niro didn't die! He just went to jail, he just escaped, and now De Niro and Val Kilmer are planning more bank robberies and only Al Pacino (two weeks away from retiring) can stop him! Everyone would be more bummed out by a "Heat" sequel then the latest Favre comeback. I think the nationwide groan would be even louder, actually.

The winner: Pamela Anderson/Tommy Lee Sex Tape II
Even Hideki Matsui wouldn't watch this.

That answer was the epitomization of why Bill Simmons is my favorite columnist on ESPN.

[Kingdom]

Bill Simmons has retired from writing columns for the mag. >_>

[DirtyKash]

Those were garbage anyways. The word counts limited any potential that column ever could have had. Always too short to get anything good started.

[Kingdom]

His word count doubled the other columns. But I didn't expect Canadians to be able to count.

[DirtyKash]

I meant compared to his usual Page 2 columns like mailbags, running diaries, NFL and NBA columns, and the like.

[DirtyKash]

From a Simmons tweet. Funny stuff.