Ever have a bat in your house?

[Lynch]

hmm, first story:


Back in college, there were a few girls that I knew that lived in a house right next to campus. We were good friends pretty much since we first met (in fact, in story #2, it'll be the same house, only I'll be living there rather than in this story where I'm just visiting).

Just after the start of the new school year, the girls threw a party at their place for a few close friends. On thing about this house, it was a 2 story house which the bottom floor was rented out to one group of people and the top floor to another (went up stairs on the outside of the house to get upstairs). Anyway, they also had a door that went off the living room out to a sort of deck/roof thing where we'd also party outside.

Anyway, it was about mid to late september and we had all been drinking all day, and decided to go downtown for a couple more cocktails (read that as many more). When we got back to their place that night, everyone pretty much just passed out wherever they were standing/sitting/laying. Someone forgot to close that deck door. About 4am or so, one of the girls woke me up saying there were bats flying around in the house. Sure enough, one bedroom had a couple of bats flying all over the ****ing place. Being still mighty drunk and half unaware of my surroundings, I needed to find something to either kill the bats or at least knock them down so we could toss them outside.

What did my drunken ass find? Corn on the cob. Yep, we had hit a farmers market earlier in the day and bought a grocery bag full of corn. I took one and chucked it at a bat, hoping to shoo it out of the bedroom and at least to the living room where we could get it outside. The chick that had woken me up grabs a couple cobs and chucks them, one of which ended up smacking a buddy of mine right in the face. ( This was funny as hell). Anyway, he wakes up and joins in the fun. The three of us were tossing cobs of corn all over the house trying to knock down or shoo out the bats. I know we knocked down at least one and tossed it outside. I can't recall wtf ever happened to the other bat(s).

We laughed about that shit for a couple years after that and I still get a smile on my face thinking back to it.

[Providence A's]

haha, that's pretty funny...drunken rabies wouldn't have been cool though

[Lynch]

Next story: Same house, only now I live there with 3 of the girls (4th one had moved out).

This was about 4 or 5 months later. Was during Christmas break. I had just moved in a couple weeks earlier. Anyway, I came back from Christmas right away and the girls were all still home with their families. Before I moved in, they had a few mice they found to be running around. So when I moved in, I set a few traps around and caught a number of mice. Right after I came back from Christmas, there was a mouse in a trap by the stove. I nicely put it into an empty peanut butter jar and put it into the garbage.

The next day, I brought over this one chick I had been "dating" for a little while. She was going to make dinner for us and was doing something where she needed to dump the grease out of a pan. Of course, where does she decide to dump the grease? Yeah, into the peanut butter jar she saw in the garbage can. Opens the jar and screams a tad. Nice impression for her first time at the new place, eh? I told her what happened, she was cool with it. Continuing on, we make dinner, do our thing, etc.... eventually going downtown for drinks. When we came back that night, I head off to the bedroom and she goes to the bathroom. Almost immediately, she's ****ing screaming and comes running out of the biffy. I go to see what's up and she says there's a bat in there. I go grab a broom and check it out. No bat. WTF? "Where's there a bat? I don't see a bat".

Guess what she says? "It's in the toilet!". Sure enough, I lift the lid and slam it down real quick and there's a bat in there, flapping to beat all hell, soaking wet trying to get out. A BAT IN THE MOTHER****ING TOILET!!?!! How the hell did that happen?! It wasn't a big bat, but it was a bat, nonetheless. In my semi-drunken stuper, guess what the Pimpsta does? He flushes the toilet. Problem solved. Not stopping to think of what if the thing clogs the plumbing. Thankfully, it went down no problem and was washed out to see (or at least the Mississippi R).

So, that was the first (and I think the last) time that I brought that girl back to the house with me.

[Providence A's]

good thing she looked before she sat down on the can, huh?

[Lynch]

Next story: (couple years later). I'm living in a house about 30 miles west of Minneapolis with a couple of friends and their current GF's. I'm dating the woman who would eventually be my wife. Her and I and another buddy of mine had been out at the bar (why is it there's always alcohol involved in these stories?! ), and we went back to my place at the end of the night. He was too drunk to drive and was going to crash on my couch.

Anyway, we get into the house. This house was set up kind of weird. It was a two story house but the living room area was up to the roof, and the upstairs bedrooms only took up about half of the upstairs (can't think of the name for what that is).

Anyway, lots of space between the floor and the ceiling in this room. I go to let my dog out through the patio door and when I do it, a ****ing bat comes flying in. It shoots up to the ceiling, but can't find anything to grab onto so it looks like it's dive bombing the floor, back up to the second floor, back down, swoop then back up, etc etc. Tony shreiks like a little girl , my gf takes off running and I'm standing there getting "attacked" by this damn thing. I run to the kitchen, grab a broom and start swinging at it. Of course, I miss about 20 times in a row cuz the little shit is fast. Finally, I start chucking the broom at the thing as it finds something to attach to on one wall (don't remember wtf it was). Two or three tries with the launch-a-broom and I finally got it. Knocked it down and it's lying on the ground, half flapping it's wings.

I go grab a dustpan and kind of sweep it up to bring it outside. My GF suddenly feels bad for it while I'm all hyped up now saying "WTF?! Feel bad for me, that damn thing was trying to kill me!!!!"


I walked outside with the dustpan and chucked it behind the house. I went back the next day to see if it was dead or whatever and it was gone. Who knows if I ended up killing it and some animal got it or if it finally got it's senses back and took off. Either way, that would have been a funny site to see on video. My buddy was hiding under a blanket, GF trying to hide under her coat (over her head) and the mighty pimpsta off trying to save the day again.


****... I hate bats!

[Rufio181]

Dude you had fun in college. I cant wait to do the same here in UT.

[Lynch]

Heh, those aren't even close to some of the good stories from college. But yeah, I had a LOT of fun in college. If I were ever to get into any of my bartending stories... well, let's just say, "YEAH, I HAD A LOT OF FUN!".

[Rufio181]

But I do plan on "meeting" women left and right. OOOO Right!