Cleveland Plain Dealer

[bipster]

Circle the Wagons, the Tribe is Alive!!!

Cleveland, OH
by Homer Ballfour

(AP) Last night I laid in bed wondering as to what would happen in the latest round of Free Agency. Many of us Clevelanders have known that our starting pitching is easily the weakest part of our team. As the clock was ticking down to the final hour, neither of the top two available pitchers had signed yet. It left me to wonder if that GM of ours had returned to his idiocy days. Was he not even going to lay an offer on the table for one of the two top dogs? It seemed like a match made in heaven, I could already imagine the Cleveland kids running out to buy their newest Roy Halladay, or Jesse Foppert jersey. At 3A.M. I had simply had enough of the tossing and turning, I felt like a kid on Christmas morning, awaiting to see what gift had been delivered to the faithful fans of Cleveland......or if it was simply a lump of coal that Bipster would deliver. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my cell-phone flashing becasue someone had left a message on it. The message went something like this.

(Bipster) HOMER!!!!!!! You should be partying with me, I finally did it....the fans will love me!!!!

After hearing that message, I knew I had to call Bipster right away to figure out what it is that he did. The following is another in the long line of phone interviews I have done with Bipster over the years.

*phone rings*
(Bipster) Domino's, how can I help you?
(Homer) I'm sorry, I must have dialed the wrong number.....I was trying to reach the GM of the Indians
(Bipster) Homer, my boy, you have reached him. Now, how can I help you
(Homer) Well, I really don't want a pizza right now, I just wanted to see what it is that you have done that the fans will LOVE you.
(Bipster) Well, I have struck a deal with Domino's to deliver pizzas at the ball park.
(Homer) Is that why you are partying?
(Bipster) Nah, I'm partying cause that's just what I do
(Homer) I am so confused right now. I am a little let down, although not surprised that this conversation wasn't about a free agent pitcher
(Bipster) Homer, you have never realized the method to my madness have you? The reason why I had to strike a deal with Domino's is to help offset the cost of the higher payroll.
(Homer) Higher Payroll?
(Bipster) C'mon Homer, didn't you do your homework. You should know that I traded for Cody Ross, one of the premier hitters in the game.
(Homer) Aww yes, how could I forget your little love affair for playing baseball with a bunch of hitters and not enough pitchers.
(Bipster) Homer, I finally made you look like an idiot instead of vice versa. I signed the best pitcher available on the market. I got Jesse Foppert for 3 million dollars a year less than Roy Halladay
(Homer) Bipster, you have truly out done yourself this offseason. You brought in a premier hitter and pitcher, the fans simply aren't going to believe their eyes when they read tomorrows newspaper. While I have you on here, what other changes do you expect to see on your major league squad?
(Bipster) Well, I would expect to see a major opportunity for our youngster Provenzano. We are looking at giving him a chance to capture the 5th spot in the rotation. We definitely think he is farther along than Guerro was last season, and Guerro managed to have himself a pretty decent year. We worked hard with Broxton during the offseason and hopefully we have him throwing a few more strikes this season. He has electric stuff, and the fans love him. Of course, in the Cody Ross trade, we brought in a couple other players in Darin Downs and Tony Blythe. Darin will be taking over our lefty role in the pen as we sent Maholm packing to Texas. Along with Darin and Cody we got a youngster that can hit the cover off the ball. Tony Blythe, he is going to bring a much needed higher batting average to our bench. I still can't believe that we got those three quality baseball players for the guys we sent over there. Maholm, Woods, and Jackson all struggled to throw strikes on a consistent basis. Woods definitely did perform above our expectations but we felt like the talent we got in return was well worth it.
(Homer) I understand that you have a lengthy list of your own players on the trade block, what are you shopping them for?
(Bipster) Homer, as any good team would do, we have to weigh out all of our options both inside and outside of the organization. Just because we are listening to some trade offers doesn't mean we are going to trade. We have a lot of good pitchers in the bullpen, but I don't necessarily feel the need to trade one of our strengths. If the right thing came along the we would do it.
(Homer) What exactly is the right thing? Where is the deficiency you are trying to fill?
(Bipster) As you know Homer, I love to build an offense. I am looking at adding another speedster at the top of the lineup and I would love to get a difference maker at either 3b or 2b. If I can get a 3b, then Atkins will move to 1b. If I can get a 2b, then Nady will move to 1b. Nothing against Jeremy Reed, we love the kid, we just feel that he would help us more coming of the bench and adding more depth there. Listen Homer, I gotta run, it's my turn to buy a round of drinks.

Rest easy Cleveland, although your GM still parties too much at the local tee-pee he appears to be doing the right thing for your team. I can hardly wait for Spring Training to begin. Until next time, stay classy Cleveland.

[bwitty24]

nice bip