Predictions

[Hammer]

al east: nyy, bal*, bos, tb, tor
al central: min, cws, det, cle, kc
al west: ana, oak, sea, tex

nl east: washington, florida, philly, nym, atl
nl central: pittsburgh, chicago*, cincy, st louis, milwaukee, houston
nl west: colorado, los angeles, arizona, san fran, san diego

[HafDawg2003]

AL East
New York (A)
Baltimore
Boston
Tampa Bay
Toronto

AL Central
Minnesota
Chicago (A)
Kansas City
Cleveland
Detroit

AL West
Anaheim
Seattle
Oakland
Texas

NL East
Florida
Washington
Philadelphia
Atlanta
New York (N)

NL Central
Pittsburgh
Cincinnati
Chicago (N)
St. Louis
Houston
Milwaukee

NL West
Colorado
Los Angeles
Arizona
San Francisco
San Diego

Wild Cards
Baltimore
Washington

[HafDawg2003]

It's amazing how much better the NL is than the AL.

[Fishercat]

1. New York Yankees (103-59)
They're the motha****in New York Yankees. Who's going to beat them, especially when the rest of the division implodes upon itself?

In positive news, Mike McCullough will attain the first "20" rating on a 1-10 scale in OOTP S3SL history (it'll be in stuff, and a 15 in movement). Also, Amadeo Rivera will use new technology to merge with the late Freddy Mercury. The good news is that when he makes a save (52 this year), he can sing "We Are the Champions" afterwards. The bad news is that he has HIV and will retire from Bone Chips Shoulder (officially) next year.

2. Baltimore (90-72)
The Orioles will get off to a scorching start, posting an astounding 70-30 record through their first 100 games. Their GM, after every sim, will say "Wow, this was a rebuilding year. I have no idea why they're doing well". He'll also keep publically shopping billion time all-star Justin Huber and James Mony Mony Loney.

However, in a tragic game (#102), the players finally strike back. On a mid-July day, right around the all-star break, Dave can be heard outside the player's lockerroom, with an airhorn, screaming "I AM GIVING LONEY AND HUBER AWAY! ALL I WANT ARE 4 GREAT PROSPECTS. THAT'S ALL IT WILL TAKE! I'LL EVEN INCLUDE JUDE WHO I SAID WAS UNTOUCHABLE"! Finally, Justin Huber and James Loney have had it, along with Whiffy Jude. Whiffy picks up a baseball bat to try and end Dave once and for all, but misses by a bit and nails Justin Huber in the knee. Huber's proneness finally kicks in and he falls to the ground. A fight erupts where Loney ends up walking out on the team and Whiffy is put in jail for five years on assault.

Dave's main lament is that he finally got a deal in place. They end the last 62 games on a 20-42 streak, getting swept by Tampa in their last series.

3. Boston (89-73)
In happier news up north, Vladimir "Lenin" Ulyanov decides that he's been just playing around in his first five years and he wants mad extension money. In a unanimous MVP vote, Ully wins, with a .438 average and a 1.289 OPS, for a career year. Tom Menino Jr. has recently built a statue out of Big Dig remnants in honor of Vladdy, in hoping that he stays longer.

Now, how does a team with that performance only win 89 games? Well, VanBenSchoten's arm did literally fly off his body on May 18th and hit fan and season ticket holder Ben Affleck. Affleck immediately sued the Red Sox organization and won a hefty lawsuit in the fastest decision ever. He then ripped off his dress shirt to reveal a Yankees jersey! "BAH GAWD", said juror Jim Ross, "HE'S A TRAITOR! THAT DANG-NABBED DIRTY GARMIT", and Ross proceeded to chug three bottles of barbeque sauce.

Nevertheless, to save money for Ulys future 25 million dollar extension, General was forced to deal John Sanor (the key to success) and Felix Pie to pay off Affleck. They didn't recover.

4. The Milky Way Josue McCumbers (69-93)
A favorite pre-season pick for the second best fourth place team in the league, the former Tampa Bay Devil Rays looks poised for a solid 75 win season. However, all that changed when Wade Boggs took over the GM spot.

Devil Rays legend and almost Hall of Fame representative Wade Boggs was taken on as a "special consultant" after the Free Agent period. He quickly made some majro changes.

First of all, the former Devil Rays were now called the "Milky Way Josue McCumbers". Boggs commented "I felt this team needed a new direction and a name change. The Green Sox were considered too, but this was the clear winner. Plus, Milky Ways are the shiznit and we needed a sponsor".

Second, when Jim McSpadden finally realized he was only the second best J. Mc_______ on the team, he went apeshit. Literally, ape shit was found thrown against the wall as McSpadden ran. Still, he did hit 18 homeruns with 87 RBIs, new team records for people not including Josue McCumber.

Third, after Cefe Dominguez decided "I'm getting paid too little for this shit" and retired to become an agent, the Mofo/Boggs correspondence decided that Patel would pitch every inning in September. 225 innings later (with 300 total for the year), he came in 4th in the Cy Young voting, and visited Old Hoss Radbourn in the sky.

Oh, and everyone ate fried chicken. Etsuya now weighs 400 pounds, but is the best defensive 1B ever as any close throw gets stuck in his fat and no one wants to search to disprove it.

5. Toronto Blue Jays (63-99)
Mickey Ouimet will put up a .300-.380-.540 line (.270-.340-.480 for home games). And no one gives a shit otherwise. Oh, and Mickey Ouimet will also get pissed at being whored out by his GM and refuse to play for three weeks. He'll be lured back by real Euros, the only money worth a shit.

[realmofotalk]

LOL, +rep for the Jim Ross reference

[Porter]

NL West Predictions?

[Hangman]

NL Central
Pittsburgh
Cincinnati
Chicago (N)
St. Louis
Houston

My team my not be the best but I did finish 4th last year. I think I should at least be listed.

Thanks.

[Stonedrie2]

Wow, didn't think you existed anymore.

[Kingdom]

Affleck would screw Kevin Smith before he became a yankee fan.


EDIT:
nevermind

[Hangman]

Wow, didn't think you existed anymore.

Why not?

[Saber]

Because you have 9 posts.

[Stonedrie2]

Why not?

get off my S3BL!

Hey mish, can we get Wolfman to replace him? I can vouch for Wolfman that he is quite a good and active GM.

[Molina00]

get off my S3BL!

Hey mish, can we get Wolfman to replace him? I can vouch for Wolfman that he is quite a good and active GM.

Both mission and myself can vouch for Hangman being a good GM.
What was he supposed to do with $1 mil in FA money?

[Stonedrie2]

Both mission and myself can vouch for Hangman being a good GM.
What was he supposed to do with $1 mil in FA money?

set a line-up, he hasn't this season. 2 of his top pitchers, who are prospects, are sitting in AAA. perhaps try to trade for prospects.. he has some good players, but that isn't even important. He posts when he is here, and he doesn't post much at all.

[Molina00]

He joined something like a couple of sims before the trade deadline last season so that's not a whole lot of time for trading, and he had nothing to work with in signing FA's this off-season. Give him a full season and he'll show his stuff.