My Christmas Gift to All MLB.

[Porter]

With inspiration from another article on Yahoo. Here are my gifts for MLB.

1. New York Yankees: Joba Chamberlain's finalized role as the setup man and future closer for when Mo' "Money" Rivera retires.

2. Boston Red Sox: Jason Bay, so we can watch their media spontaneously combust on who should be benched. At least they would be prepared for when JD Drew gets hurt again.

3. Tampa Bay Devil Rays: Money, so they can resign all their young talent and not become the modern day Expos.

4. Toronto Blue Jays: That they get the Brandon Morrow out of college, not the ML Version so far.

5. Baltimore Orioles: Chris Tillman for a full season. And Ty Wigginton to play and suck at more multiple positions like CF and RF.

6. Minnesota Twins: Clone Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer, at 2B, 3B, SS, LF, CF and RF.

7. Detroit Tigers: They need Bill Bavasi so they can blame him for their mismanaged payroll. Also, can you clone Justin Verlander 4 more times.

8. Chicago White Sox: Carlos Silva pitching. Can you imagine how Ozzie Guillen would react to that every 5th day.

9. Kansas City Royals: An offense, or Zach Grienke will go on strike circa 1994.

10. Cleveland Indians: A lifetime supply of Rolaids for watching their pitching staff.

11. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim: Another three words to their team name.

12. Seattle Mariners: A shrink for Milton Bradley, and a heart monitor for Don Wakamatsu.

13. Texas Rangers: Nolan Ryan to pitch and a healthy Josh Hamilton.

14. Oakland A's: Another washed up All-Star from the late 90's-early 00's.

15. Philadelphia Phillies: The '08 Brad Lidge.

16. New York Mets: They need Hugh Lawrie from House on their staff.

17. Florida Marlins: They need fans, and an ownership that will keep their stars.

18. Atlanta Braves: A first baseman. Also a sweet nickname for Tommy Hanson.

19. Washington Nationals: An improvement like the 09 Mariners, and to keep Strasburgh in AAA as long as possible.

20. Chicago Cubs: A World Series so the following doesn't happen anymore: A) Talking about any Goats, B) Lou Pinella breaks hip in September tirade after Carlos Silva's 20th loss of the season, costing them the division. C) Cubs fans saying wait till next year.

21. St Louis Cardinals: Matt Holliday, so that we get to see Albert Pujols hit a baseball.

22. Milwaukee Brewers: That Trevor Hoffman's arm doesn't fall off.

23. Pittsburgh Pirates: They need KoZ to GM their team so they will do something called win.

24. Cincinnati Reds: To keep Willy Tavarez leading off so we can see Slyder's head explode.

25. Houston Astros: A pitcher that calls himself Wandy to keep the magical season of 09 or Roy Oswalt will have to pitch every single day.

26. San Francisco Giants: A lineup that doesn't have the almighty Bengie Molina as a cleanup hitter.

27. Los Angeles Dodgers: Jason Schmidt to give his 15 million dollars back to the franchise and pitch in 2010 for free.

28. Arizona Diamondbacks: Remember when Monstars took all the powers from the NBA players in Space Jam. I think they did that to their offense. Give them their powers back.

29. Colorado Rockies: The '08 Iannetta and a starter that isn't just average outside of Jimenez.

30. San Diego Padres: For some Porter99 guy to predict them to finish last in a weak division so they can win the world series.....oh wait.

Merry Christmas and Enjoy.

[realmofotalk]

26. San Francisco Giants: A lineup that doesn't have the almighty Bengie Molina as a cleanup hitter.

How about Sandoval batting cleanup behind Fred Lewis Ultimate 3-hole hitter?!

[redsrbetter]

I laughed through this whole thing bro. Well done. I think the Twinkies take the cake on this one.

You were pretty generous with some of the teams, while others, well let's just say that MLB should be thankful that you are not Santa Claus. I would rather take the coal than the jernt delivred to teams like the Reds.

[missionhockey21]

Pfft.... figures, the Yankees buy their way to number one yet again. Just kidding.

24. Cincinnati Reds: To keep Willy Tavarez leading off so we can see Slyder and mission's head explode.

Correction in bold.

[Porter]

Pfft.... figures, the Yankees buy their way to number one yet again. Just kidding.

Correction in bold.

George paid me .24 cents to be #1 and an autographed Melky Cabrera baseball card.

[missionhockey21]

Too bad nobody outside of the Bronx cares about that Melky card.Yay for geo-based value!

[Hammer]

Too bad nobody outside of the Bronx cares about that Melky card.Yay for geo-based value!

sadly, nobody in the bronx cares about it either.

[Porter]

sadly, nobody in the bronx cares about it either.

its more valuable than Carlos Silva's right arm.

[missionhockey21]

This post is more valuable than Carlos Silva's right arm.

[redsrbetter]

I disagree, your posts are usually worth a Juan Castro at bat.

[Porter]

Carlos Silva trancends all.

How else do you win 4 games in 2 seasons without being hurt both seasons, and not be in the bullpen.

[realmofotalk]

It's depressing to me that all the while I've been *****ing about Carlos Perez, Jason Schmidt, Darren Dreifort, and Andruw Jones have since trumped Perez as megabust investments in company with Mike Hampton, Denny Neagle, Chan Ho Park, and Carlos Silva.