I ask that you pretend I am one of those "comedians" that isn't very good and thinks his niche is doing celebrity impersonations, but ultimately sucks at doing them. Okay, got all that? I will switch from Kingdom to Realmofotalk in mid paragraph. Enjoy.
Underachievers, lame duck coaching, lack of power in the infield, Jonathan Broxton completely disappearing as a closer, I mean there was a lot that went wrong with the Dodgers. Then as you look at the potential roster for 2011, you wonder what they even did? Perhaps it will be a solid group and it will rely heavily on a solid rotation, but at best, they're only solid, right? Certainly there's Ethier that can hit with the best of them. Matt Kemp has all the tools but half the time, the toolbox is locked. Furcal is a good SS, that's never healthy. Uribe, Thames, and Barajas were brought in to fill holes but you wonder if they're going to have to lean too much on a guy like Uribe when he's not really that kind of player. Garland had a good season for San Diego and should be a more than capable back end starter. The pen will mostly be the same, except for the addition of Blake Hawksworth. BUT LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THIS GOD DAMNED TEAM EVERYONE IS GOING TO SEE. WE HAVE JAY GIBBONS IN LEFTFIELD. WE'RE NOT THE FUCKING ROYALS, SO WHY IS JAY GIBBONS IN LEFTFIELD? AND TONY GWYNN'S SON? ISN'T IT BAD ENOUGH THAT WE HAVE THE LIGHTWEIGHT JAMEY CARROLL STILL AROUND? I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT WHEN JOE TORRE LEFT, HE WOULD HAVE TAKEN IT FUCKING GOLF BAG WITH HIM. I MEAN, JAMEY CARROLL. MORE TO THE POINT, EVERYONE IS ALWAYS SAYING THAT LONEY IS A GOOD PLAYER. BUT LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT LONEY POWER. RBI'S ARE NEARLY AS OVERRATED AS WINS BY A STARTING PITCHER. HIS DOUBLES POWER AND PATHETIC OBP ARE BEST SUITED FOR A SLAP HITTING OUTFIELDER OR SHORTSTOP, NOT THE DAMN FIRST BASEMAN. HOW IS THAT EVERYONE SEEMS TO HAVE A MONSTER AT 1B, AND OURS PROBABLY COULDN'T BENCH PRESS SNOOKIE. AND THE PITCHING? FUCK THAT. I HOPE EVERYONE IS READY FOR THE BILLINGSLEY-KERSHAW WALK A DAMN TEAM SHOW. AND THE BLOWN SAVES? RAMON TRONCOSO SUPPORTS THIS SHIT.
P.S.
FUCK YOU JONATHAN BROXTON, YOU CAN'T THROW STRIKES MOTHER FUCKER, YOU ONLY THROW HOMERUNS.