Just look at you. Afraid to leave the house. Cowering in a corner, reduced to a puddle of hopelessness, certain that the end times are near.
You're a White Sox fan, your team is 30 games above .500 and, as it awaits the Yankees' lone visit of the season, you're acting as if what defines this club is the current five-game losing streak and not all the winning that came before it.
Get a hold of yourself, man. Snap out of it, lady.
I don't like saying this, but you're forcing me to: You're acting very Cub fan-like. You're acting as if the cosmic forecast calls for sunny skies most of the season followed by an F5 tornado in October.
Am I generalizing about Sox fans? I'm a five-star general of generalizations, so, yeah, probably. But I've seen enough over the last few days to recognize a runaway train of panic.
Bulging eyeballs are very unbecoming, folks.
What you're saying by your hand-wringing is that not only are you skeptical of the Sox now but that you haven't really bought into what they've been selling all season. You're saying you didn't think the Sox were for real when they were taking a scorched-earth approach to the American League in the first four months of the season.
You're saying you knew that what is happening now was inevitable, that it was only a matter of time before the Cardinals overtook the Sox for the best record in baseball.
O ye of little faith.
Mama said there'd be days like this and Sox manager Ozzie Guillen says there are stretches like this. He's right. It's a long, tough season. John Wayne wasn't as tough as a major-league season.
But some of you don't want to hear that. You've spent the season looking for imperfections. You're the kind of people who see Maria Sharapova and wonder why her hem is uneven.
What, you thought the Sox would keep winning at a .700 clip? That means you expected them to win 114 games this season. Do you find your weekly drug test a nuisance?
All of this doubt and fear has coalesced into the Great Savior, the man who will make everything right, the guarantor of the first World Series title since 1917. I speak here of Ken Griffey Jr. (all kneel please).
Griffey is having a very good year for the Reds (.290, 29 homers, 85 RBIs in 113 games), but somebody should probably point out that in the previous three seasons he played in 83, 53 and 70 games because of injuries. And you want to invest millions of dollars in him for the stretch run and years beyond? That sounds very Cub-like too.
Again, where is your faith? This team is built on pitching and energy, not on a monster offense. The Sox are tired but so is every other team at this point in the season.
Scott Podsednik is on the disabled list with a leg injury that had cut into his effectiveness as a leadoff man and as a base stealer. He's getting two weeks off, a very good thing for him and a team with a double-digit lead.
Late-season trades should be abolished. You should have to show up for the playoffs with what got you there. If the Sox were to acquire Griffey on Friday and then went on to win the World Series, he would be given the lion's share of the credit.
Never mind that the Sox managed to go 74-44 without him. That's not fair to all the players who put in the sweat equity.
You're right. The prize is the only thing that matters for a franchise that hasn't won a world title in 88 years. But the assumption is that this team isn't capable of winning without help.
It's a dangerous assumption, one that could make the Sox's beautiful chemistry experiment blow up in their faces.
In politics, it's called staying the course. As a Sox fan, are you better off today than you were a year ago? Five months ago? Of course you are. But now you're worried about the last month, to the point where you're having trouble remembering April.
Then again, you worried about the absence of small ball in April. You worried a lot. The Sox went 17-7 in April. You haven't stopped worrying.
You went from being impressed that the Sox took two of three from the Yankees in New York last week to your current state of unbelief.
The Yankees are in town for a three-game series starting Friday and the Sox have an opportunity to calm the masses.
It's going to be OK. It really is. But something tells me only a 20-game winning streak will convince you.