And that brings us to Todd Walker, who can hit in his sleep but chooses not to because it leaves him restless and fatigued during the day.
Walker was sleeping in the Cubs' doghouse for a few days last week after making some comments about the integrity of front-office people in general. The front-office people in particular around here took exception. They jumped on him as if he had made a box-cutter joke in the airport security line.
"I've lost sleep over these last few days," Walker said. "It's nobody's fault but my own. When you feel like you've been backed into a corner, you come out clawing and scratching. Your competitive nature takes over. But in this game, you're better off just leading by what you do on the field."
Walker should be frustrated. He knows he can hit. He hit .305 in 110 games last season. He's a .290 career hitter. He's hitting .320 this spring and is second on the team with nine runs batted in, one behind Aramis Ramirez.
If he has two fully operational eyes, he can see that the Cubs are going to need offense. And he's a left-handed hitter in a world that covets them.
But manager Dusty Baker disputes the theory that the Cubs had better have their bats in order at the start of the regular season. And everything he said Sunday morning seemed to indicate that Jerry Hairston would be the Cubs' starting second baseman come April 3.
"You've got to have pitching and defense first on paper and then offense," Baker said. "Look in the [World Baseball Classic], the teams that have done the best are the ones who pitch the best and play the best defense and play the best fundamentally, especially early in the year when the weather is cold. Offense really comes into play when the weather heats up. To win games, you've got to catch the ball and be able to throw it to the right base."
You don't need an English degree to read between the lines. Even though Walker's fielding percentage was a very solid .985 last season, Hairston has better range. Then again, Hairston is a career .261 hitter.
"The insinuation that I can't play second base is tough for me," Walker said. "You don't survive in major-league baseball for 10 years without being pretty good."
He said he always has been given the benefit of the doubt when it comes to hitting, but not fielding.
"It's unfair both ways," he said. "The hard part for me is that I feel I have to be perfect defensively or somebody is going to say something."
They're going to say something about his lack of speed too. The Cubs like the idea of Juan Pierre leading off and the fleet Hairston batting second.
You don't need an audiology degree to hear the trade rumors surrounding Walker. He said he would rather stay with the Cubs as a backup than go to another club as a starter. The competitor in him says he would win out in the end.
The skeptic in me wonders whether the Cubs would rather not have to deal with a talkative veteran who believes he should be playing.
"I know there's a lot of speculation," Baker said of the second-base job. "But you have to handle it like everybody who is here is going to be here. You don't know what's going to happen exactly. But at this point, this is where it is."
Wherever that is. The whole thing is bizarre. Here's a guy who can help a club that needs help.
"I know I love this team," Walker said. "That's what makes this difficult. In the past, I've never really been attached to a team. And in this game, you really shouldn't be. You can get moved any day. That's what's made this tough for me: I don't want to go anywhere. I think we have a great chance to win."